What My Father Told Me

Once upon a time, many years ago, the father of my heart sat me down to talk to me about LIFE. My life. As it had been written, a longer time ago, by a Hindu priest who documented this journey I had just embarked upon. The journey many call LIFE. A voyage written in the stars. An astrological birth chart which haunts me to this very day.

Destiny, Fate, What is Written - I never believed in everything I was told. I believe I am the Master of my own Destiny. Many a moment I had fought against what others would have simply accepted - "So it has been written in my Fate." Through hell and high water, when Fate conspires to defeat me in an all out battle, I will fight, and emerge victorious. I am proud to say that I never let any of Destiny's nasty surprises keep me down. Rebel, warrior, fighter, a cunning strategist and a worthy adversary, I have been that to Destiny - never docile, never accepting what is simply to me, unacceptable.

LOSS

This is what my father told me. "In your life, you have, and you will suffer many losses. Including of those who are very close to you. You will suffer for these losses in ways deeper than you can imagine. They will bear a profound mark on your soul." Yes, that is true. I have lost what other people don't cherish, what others take for granted in their daily lives. What I have yearned for all my life, others have, and never think twice about. I fouht against turning into a bitter person. A "victim", how I hate that word. I kept myself happy. I threw myself headlong into different worlds, cultures, arts and activities which have gained me so many true friends. Perhaps never to replace what I have lost, but to sustain my soul. Feed my soul with the knowledge, affestion and love that I received from so many.

FRIENDSHIP

"In your life, you will come across many friends who will give you love. Many who will love you because you give them love, and in doing so, you give them respect, a respect for themselves. Some will seek to possess this love, and when they realise you cannot be possessed, they will start hating you. They will envy you. They will try to hurt you in one way or another. Beware Jealousy. It will surround you like a dark cloud, all your life. Some people are not happy to see happinness and strength in others. This jealousy will consume you and give birth to despair within your soul, for you are not able to understand jealousy from those you hold close to your heart." Yes, this is also true. Upon rare occasions, friends have become foe. Being forewarned, my only recourse was to cut them off from my life. I am not happy being surrounded with dark clouds. For a short while I will be sad, then I throw myself once more into different worlds, and my soul regenerates. I am ME once more.

ANGER, MY COLD AND CONSTANT COMPANION

"In your life, Anger will be your constant companion. You will be angry at the injustices of the world, at people exploiting the weaknesses of others, at your own helplessness to make things right. You will be angry at people who do not understand you. My Rebel Queen, you will not be able to steer the thoughts and actions of the world. But you MUST, you MUST, tame your anger and make it into a friend. Don't let it hurt you. Use it, to your own good." How difficult it has been, to turn Anger into an ally. It is still a constant battle. Yet as the years go by, I find that Anger is indeed a great companion in life. It had shown me ways to win over enemies. It has been used, in its pure and cold form, to conquer matters beyond my understanding. It has been used, unfortunately, to plot the downfall of others who dare croos me beyond limits. And this dark part of myself I embrace and keep close, for many a times, it kept me afloat and brought me to safe harbour when I felt I should drown. It kept me awake and alert when others crept up with a knife destined between my shoulder blades. It has kept me alive, awaken my senses, and allowed me to see things in many dimensions. My Anger, my cold, cold companion.

How right my father was, to tell me these things.

WATER AND WIND

"In your life, some people you will meet for only a brief moment. You have a purpose in their lives, and they have a purpose in yours. Do not regret their leaving. More than others, you will meet transitional souls, as you yourself are in constant movement. Like water, you cannot be contained, like the wind, you have to be here, there, and everywhere. Ask yourself, what is their purpose? What lesson do they bring you? And what lesson did you give to them? Then let them go. Do not seek to stay, for that you cannot do." Those of you who are my friends, YOU know I won't let go that easily. Some of you have been with me for years and years. Yes, people I meet briefly are plenty, and some I have already forgotten. Some, though far, and lost, are never forgotten, such were the lessons they brought as a gift to me on my journey, when I met them at one crossroads or another.

PROSPERITY

"You will bring prosperity to others, like Lakshmi the Goddess of Prosperity you are to me. You brought me prosperity from the moment of yoru birth. In your absence I feel the loss of my well-being, my happiness, my prosperity. So will you be to your close ones. For you will gladly give all you have to those in need. Beware, for there are many who will seek to use you in this way. You will always have enough to live on, and happy in all that you seek to achieve. But you yourself, will never be rich, as you tend to use money only to please yourself. You do not save for a rainy day, and this you must learn to do." I never consider myself a good luck charm for others. Never thought that helping a friend in need is a big deal, even if it means I have to tighten my belt for a while. After all, my friends have also helped me in times of need. Yes, I do help blindly, and I don't listen to common sense. Yes I know some people will conveniently disappear after taking what they need. Deception - also part of life. I do not hold a grudge against them, because deep inside, I know they cannot help be what they are, cannot help their own weaknesses.

As I cannot help my own weaknesses.

A TWIN SOUL

"In your life, you will meet your twin soul when you are older. He will be younger than you, not of your culture, nor of your beliefs. He will be of a family with means. He will also be a Twin, like you. He will think you are a TIDE which comes and goes. He will not recognise you. Until it is too late. And great will be his regret. And you, turning into the coldhearted twin you carry within you, will turn your back, and carry on your journey alone. You will carry this knowledge. It will be a burden you carry in your soul till the end of this lifetime. As much as it will be a burden on your twin soul who will forever be haunted by his loss. My daughter, do not be so quick to judge others, for their world is different from yours, your strength is not theirs, your spirit they do not possess. My Goddess of Prosperity, I pray that you will learn to forgive and forget."

Father of my heart, understand I can, accept I can, forgive I can. Forget I cannot.

AN IMPORTANT YEAR, A MILESTONE

At this point in my life, when I look back at all the things I have been through, it seems as though many reveleations, pre-ordained by a simple Hindu priest, divined from the stars, seems inevitable. My comfort is that I have never taken it lying down, never thrown in the towel.

This year is a turning point in my life. I steer myself towards new directions, new destinations. Achieve new goals which I set at the end of 2010, at the end of a year which saw me enter into a new decade, a new beginning. Bring it on, I'm ready to face the bad and embrace the good. I am born under strange constellations, but I have NO grievances. I have all things, all the people which have made, and will continue to make my journey a wonderful one. Pitfalls and obstacles are just the simple topography of an extraordinary adventure: LIFE. And I am still full of hope and dreams.

Thank you Father of My Heart, for all the things, too many to write, which you have given me, shared with me, told me, advised me. In this very important year of my life, I wish, above all other things, for you to be walking next to me, holding my hand. Yet, I will be content to know that you are at peace.