Cat or Moon?

I have always thought that my personality matched that of a cat. Until late January 2006, when I met someone who called me Chand (moon). Cold, unattainable, to be admired from a distance, he said.

Is that how people see me, I wondered, not my close friends surely? I have always loved this poem from Yeats "The Cat and the Moon", and his words led me back to the perfume-scented pages of my book.

When two kindred spirits meet, can one be aloof like the moon, while the other is troubled by his animal blood? Yeats thought so. Can the moon come down to earth, and be anything else but distant?

Kindred spirits who recognise their special bond have Fortune on their side. For one precious moment in life's journey, they crossed paths.

My kindred spirit believes it was his misfortune to have looked upon me - having known me, and not being able to keep me. Sad, to be considered a bringer of misfortune.

If I am really Chand, and have to look from a distance at my kindred spirit, then I would wish him all the happiness in the world. I would pray that he looks at me from time to time, and revel in what little light I brought into his world. I would be in my cold universe, surrounded by distant stars, hearing the music of the faraway earth, going through my phases. I would wait to catch a glimpse of the cat that gazed upon me with a multitude of fiery questions in his changing eyes.

Alas, the cat cannot hear the moon reproach the universe she spins in for the distance between kindred spirits.

Role Models

A few days ago, my cousin Madah said that I was a source of inspiration to my cousins. I told her that her parents would freak out! Every parent would jump out of their skins if they knew I am seen a role model - simply because I've always been considered a rebel - not a good role model.

My role models are historical figures. Strong women, women with balls (figuratively speaking). They all died tragic deaths - Cleopatra (read Margeret George's Memoirs of Cleopatra), Jhansi Ki Rani (died in rebellion against the Brits in India at 22), Indira Ghandi (assasinated by her own bodyguards) and Boudicca, among others.

William "Braveheart" Wallace said, "Everybody will die, but who REALLY lives?"

I live and breathe, and try and squeeze all the things I would like to do in this fragile and momentary period that we have been granted by the Almighty. That means that I work hard, play hard, and when my body shouts "STOP! I'm exhausted!" I take time off to relax. Which is rare.

Seeing that all my role models died tragic early deaths, my own morbidity has led me to believe that my life will end prematurely. I fill my days with music, dance, laughter and I'm lucky to have good sensible, reliable friends. That and the thirst for knowledge, though John Lennon sang "the more I learn, the less I know". Absolutely true.

I am flattered to be a role model for some, though I must urge them to look for more examplary figures.