The Prodigal Daughter Returns

8 years I've been away.

Been through heaven and hell. Wouldn't have given it up for anything in the world. I have finally found myself, and found peace within me. Friends that I will never forget, faces that I will always carry in my heart forever and a day.

When I left I never thought I would return. Strange that I made up my mind to come home within 48 hours of arriving from Singapore in January, and have been working towards that goal since those 48 hours.

DHARMA pushed me to make this decision. Understand DHARMA and my decision will be clear. I do not know if I shall always stay in Singapore, but as long as I am needed, I will stay close to those who needs me.

I want music, joy and laughter, sincere friends and a full life. Those who share the same philosophy are welcome to be part of my life. Those who are against my sense of adventure and joie de vivre please stay away, I do not need any negative people in my entourage. Life is so short, isn't it better to go through it smiling and humming, rather than crying and bitter?

I will probably move again as I cannot seem to stay in one place, but my next goal is to teach in a third world country (in about five years, if all is well). Call it a crazy dream, a silly ambition, but hey, it has always been what I wanted, and it hasn't changed.

Don't forget, you can't hold a moonbeam in your hands, can't tame a cat gone feral and can't change lead into gold, unless you're an Alchemist. So live and let live. Remember that when I'm among you.

Why do I sound pissed off? Well, I can already imagine all the gossip that I've probably caused by now...and all the busybody matchmakers who will try and find me my soulmate. Please don't bother...I am incapable of loving anyone, as I am actually a stone sculpture brought to life for a very brief period. So enjoy me as I am, while I am still among you. Who knows when I will be turned back into stone again? Or when I will dissappear with the wind once more.

The Prodigal Daughter returns for now. I hope to find a lot of love amongst all of you, for each other, for me. I hope there are no bitterness in your lives which will overflow into mine. I may leave and never return should my heart of stone not be able to bear your bitterness (wonder if I'm asking too much?). That's all I'm asking for.

Sharm's Surreal Situation

The irony of life - discover a kindred spirit one week before my departure to Singapore.

The wicked irony that due to delicate circumstances, I have to put an ocean between us.

A tragi-comedie.

Laugh at life's little ironies, to keep a semblance of sanity in my demented life.

Rare to meet a kindred spirit. I admire this person's professional capacities. Intelligent, quick to decipher my convoluted thought processes. Honesty to the point of being cruel. If I am not alike, I would have hated instead of appreciated my kindred spirit's pointed questions.

No one can psycho-analyse me. I don't think I am intelligent, I am complex. It is a relief to be with a kindred spirit, as they accept you for who you are - no need for nice clothes or makeup, no need for carefully planned dialogues or being coy (I can't do that anyway, it is against my nature) - spit it out - whatever you have to say, good or bad, and we'll find a solution if it is a problem that you have just spat out like something bitter stuck in your insides.

That's what kindred spirits do for each other. Be it of the same or opposite sex. Isn't it a pity that I met one more just before leaving? No...

My admiration and respect for my kindred spirit will tide me through the next steps I will have to take. Some people have the ability to inspire you, just by being themselves, and for no OTHER reasons. Inspiration which has given me courage to say, "hey, I CAN do THIS". How to put into words the energy that pushes you to believe in yourself, to be positive, and that you are as bright as the north star? Only sincere friends can make me a believer. I need no excuse to say I want this person to be in my inner circle of friends. I have always been lucky in my choice of close friends.

But that is not to be. Circumstances beyond my control has made a friendship impossible. How strange are the ways of the world, that sometimes friendship is frowned upon.

I don't believe in Fate, nor do I believe in coincidences. So I find myself in a surreal situation, one that I dare not analyse nor name. Caught between the Devil and the deep blue sea. Surreal - two communicators dancing around words like jugglers at Cirque du Soleil doing an act with fragile and beautiful glass artifacts. Caution... Once the artifact drops, the act is over - leaving broken pieces on the ground that may cut and hurt not only the jugglers, but those along the same path.

Once more, Distance, like a constant companion, will take centrestage in my life. So many things better left unsaid. Bravado a mask we wear to evade uncomfortable truths. Truth, in a surreal situation, though lurking within sight, is best barred from entering the arena. Truth, when shining upon the surreal - destroys the woven illusion.

What illusion we create, what strong boundaries we build, and what humour we use to fan off Truth. A dance that will soon come to an end. No applause...only priceless memories to carry me through life. One more chamber of solace in my memory palace at times when the rainclouds hover. An endless roofless chamber that opens up to a starry night, the sound of waves just beyond unseen, impenetrable walls, a locked trapdoor on the floor that leads to the oubliettes, where all unnamed horrors lurk. More surreal than a hallucinogen-enhanced trip. A self-indulgent trip, pulling all the restraints not to overdose and suffer the consequences. Four days to go on this surreal trip.

Leaving Leuven, my hometown for the past four years

I love to shop in Leuven. 15 minutes walk from my home, lies Bondgenotenlaan, and my favorite boutique ZARA. Not to mention other equally tempting places to spend my money.















The Oude Markt at night - it looks dead in winter, but go in to any of the pubs or restaurants - I don't need Brussels to have a great time. Every kind of music and crowd lie right here in the Oude Markt.















Voilà! Where I take the train every morning to go to work. Or to explore other corners of Belgium. I love this train station - getting my coffee to drink in the train, watching the colourful people go by, busybusybusy, and good-looking train employers doing their work. Not too busy, unlike Brussels. Just the right combination of an old building and modern services.

Tall????

If you think I'm tall, then you must think Paul is a giant. I've known him for seven years this policeman extraodinaire. Always a friendly smile, always there when I get a bunch of difficult people at Le Quartier St. Gery. Wonder if I'll meet nice policemen in Singapore?

Sandwiches & Coffee on a curb at La Rue Neuve

Airticket in hand, outside Connections, Schuman. Laeti, my guardian angel, with me as usual. We hit La Rue Neuve right after, shopping. My meagre bank account reached level of poverty when I finished.











Is it normal for a couple of women in their thirties to sit on a curb and eat sandwiches right in the centre of town? Well, if their names are Laeti and Sharm, it is absolutely normal. This day (19 March, Saturday 2006) we went to get my airticket. I will miss Laeti - words can't describe the feeling. Kindred spirit, confidante, what will I ever do without her close by?

Favourite Spots in Leuven

Pata Negra - my fav pub at the Oude Market. Crowd is relaxed, laid-back...hippie-looking students and devil-may-care adults. I like the music, which ranges from Buddha Bar to Rock and Roll classics. Of course, also one of the last pubs to close in Leuven!














Brasserie Wiering - Delicious Food, nice interior, always a chic crowd, and just about the best place to have dinner in Leuven.











This place is about five minutes walk away from where I live. In summer, when I'm too lazy to go to the park or too bored to stay in my garden, I come here with a good book. I'd sit under a tree with a bar of milk chocolate in one hand, the book in the other. The book is just a pretext, most of the time I'm dreaming or looking at people walking by.

Grote Markt

The Grote Markt in Leuven, lively pubs, great place to people-watch, and in summer nice terraces to sit down and bask in the sunshine (and attention).













Still in the Grote Markt - these buildings always make me feel like I am living in the pages of Brothers Grimm fairy tales...